Perpetual & Predictable Pride Perplexion

Alliteration is fun! You know what isn't fun? Having to explain to (seemingly the same) people every June how Pride month came to be, and why it's necessary.

As a reasonable (I use this word often) human being, I understand the first thought some may have when confronted with the concept of 'gay pride.' "Well, one can have pride in anything! Why don't we have parades and festivals and celebrations for straight people!"

It's getting to the second thought that takes some critical thinking skills, listening, and being open-minded. You're not wrong, Dale, but ya also ain't right. Pride, in the proper sense, requires achievement in some form. Many times, this achievement comes by way of overcoming something difficult. Proud to be an American? Sure, America doesn't have an entirely sordid past and has been responsible for some great ideas, great leaders, great people and has overcome a lot of adversity. Proud to be an employee of ABC Company? Ok! Maybe your company is giving back to the community and producing a product that improves many lives. Proud of your family member or friend that graduated college? Absolutely - they worked hard and put in a lot of effort. I could go on for ages.

Proud of being...straight? There is quite literally nothing a straight person has had to overcome simply because they're a heterosexual. ZERO. And no, heterosexual people are not chastised for being straight; heterosexual people are chastised for saying supremely stupid and ignorant things about gay people. We truly DO NOT give a gay, straight, pansexual f*ck whom, or what, you take into your bedroom; be it Tom, Sally or a vat of butterscotch pudding.

Have you, Dale, ever had to sit on your couch nervously writing and rewriting a letter, or a text message to tell your family about who you love? Have you ever had to think twice when chatting about your weekend plans with coworkers at the water cooler, careful to not use specific pronouns or labels because you're not sure if Tammy will be uncomfortable when you talk about camping with your husband? Have you ever been beaten mercilessly, set on fire and tied to a fence and left for dead because you're straight? Have you ever been fired for you who love? (Because apparently the sex/gender of one's significant other determines how well they can produce a spreadsheet to project manage another person's shitty idea.) Have you had to worry about holding the hand of the one that you love in public for fear of ridicule, shame, and taunting? Have you ever had to give extra thought to where you vacation, in hopes that you won't receive sideways glances or different treatment than other guests? Have you been aborted from home, relegated to the streets by parents who would rather devote all of their time and energy to saving a wad of gum with a 'heartbeat' than a living, breathing, human being capable of love and compassion?

No? This is why Pride exists; to celebrate any small victories, to show perseverance in the face of inequality and to bring attention to all of the issues that still exist in 2019.

Sure, you can petition to throw your straight pride parade, put on a brand new pair of khaki cargo shorts, lace up your crispy, bright white New Balance tennies and fashion a crown from a box of Keystone Light - but your parade will never mean anything more than a parade celebrating elbows.

Happy Pride, ya'll.